{"id":1191,"date":"2019-07-05T18:37:02","date_gmt":"2019-07-05T18:37:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peterschireson.com\/?p=1191"},"modified":"2021-07-06T12:43:48","modified_gmt":"2021-07-06T12:43:48","slug":"trigger-warning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/peterschireson.com\/trigger-warning\/","title":{"rendered":"Trigger Warnings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

I believed I knew the contents <\/p>\n\n\n\n

of the firing chamber, knew <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the sear surface and hammer materials,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\tuntil one day at the zoo,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

as I leaned on a railing watching the gibbons balletic,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I saw in the acrylic panel enclosing the cage<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my own reflection, an unarticulated skeleton in a specimen jar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\tAs snow fell in late afternoon,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and with regard to the color crimson,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I considered how snow and crimson sometimes left me distressed by the sound <\/p>\n\n\n\n

of my own shattery breath,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\thow hearing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a guilty verdict on the radio while driving<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to my parent\u2019s house made me feel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like slapping myself.\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I really can\u2019t say<\/p>\n\n\n\n

if my index finger is required<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to actuate a firing sequence,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

or my thumb to activate the cocking machinery,\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but while swimming laps at the Y,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the pale skin of the old man in the next lane wearing a blue bathing cap <\/p>\n\n\n\n

provoked an encounter with solitude, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

bringing tears that pooled in my goggles.\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a couch<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at the end of the hospital corridor,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

watching the night custodian buff the linoleum<\/p>\n\n\n\n

aroused a trumpeting angel beast. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another evening,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

as I urinated in the bathroom of my favorite bar<\/p>\n\n\n\n

while they were playing \u201cRap God,\u201d which I love,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was consumed by loneliness, and then, later, strange purification.\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know anything<\/p>\n\n\n\n

about the safety or logic <\/p>\n\n\n\n

of the trigger mechanism,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nor can I say with any certainty<\/p>\n\n\n\n

how easy or difficult to release <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the hammer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I believed I knew the contents  of the firing chamber, knew  the sear surface and hammer materials, until one day at the zoo, as I leaned on a railing watching the gibbons balletic, I saw in the acrylic panel enclosing the cage my own reflection, an unarticulated skeleton in a specimen jar. As snow fell … <\/p>\n

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